Hopeless: A High School Bully Romance (Playa Del Mar Book 1) Read online

  He gives me a weak smile. “If you say so.”

  “I do.” I get to my feet. “I’m going to leave so you can text her. Just get it over with.”

  He stands, too. He looks sad, defeated.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I tell him.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Well, it’s going to be okay at school. Those camp assholes aren’t there, are they?”

  He shakes his head.

  “And you and I are still friends,” I say. “I’ll be around to make sure no one harasses you. Hell, we can make up a new long-distance girlfriend if we need to.”

  He smiles a little at that.

  “It’s going to work out,” I say. “If Emily is the only one who knows, you tell her and this whole mess goes away.”

  “Okay,” he says. He nods so hard, his curls shake. “Thank you, Sydney.”

  “For what?”

  “For not hating me.”

  “I could never hate you.”

  “You could,” he says. “I lied about you. About us. That was a shitty thing to do.”

  “It was. But you’re going to make it right.”

  “I am.” His voice is determined.

  I reach my arms out and give him a hug. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to him, hugging me fiercely. There is nothing sexual or suggestive in his embrace, more like he’s clinging to a life preserver.

  “Are you okay?” I whisper.

  He nods. “I will be. Especially after this hug. It feels good.”

  I pull back a little and look at him. “Yeah?” I say, thinking maybe I misinterpreted the embrace.

  “I like hugs.”

  I laugh. “You sound like Olaf.”

  He smiles, and I’m struck by how cute he is. I’m not attracted to him in any way, but I could see how others would love his mop of curls and the smattering of freckles on his face.

  “Are you…sure you’re gay?” I ask.

  He frowns. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Like, have you tried going out with a girl? Maybe you just think you are, you know?”

  “Uh, no. I know.” He sighs. “Unfortunately, I am one-hundred percent gay.”

  “Have you been with a guy?”

  His face reddens and he shakes his head.

  “So you haven’t been with either?”

  “No.” His face is crimson now.

  “Okay, bear with me for just a minute.” I stand up on my tiptoes and loop my arms around his neck. “Close your eyes.”

  He stares at me. “Why?”

  “Just do it,” I tell him.

  His eyelids flutter closed.

  Gently, I press my lips against his.

  He does nothing, just stands there, frozen.

  I pull away. “Okay, open your eyes.”

  His eyes pop open.

  “Well?”

  He makes a face. “I sort of want to vomit.”

  “What?!”

  He steps back and swipes a hand across his mouth. “That was like kissing my sister. If I had a sister. Eww.”

  I chuckle. “Alright, well I guess that answers that. It was worth a shot.”

  “Why? You want to fix me or something?”

  “No.” I look at him, my heart sinking that he took what I just did in that way. Because that wasn’t my intention at all. “You don't need to be fixed. Do you hear me? You are not broken.”

  He gives a slight nod.

  “I just want to help, Ben. Because you’re my friend and I care about you. And the last thing I want is to see you hurt.”

  He smiles and his arms come around me again. He leans close and touches his nose to mine.

  “I don’t deserve you,” he says.

  I lean my forehead against his. “Yes, you do, Ben, Yes, you do.”

  Chapter 32

  I see Emily the minute I get to school.

  She walks toward me, and I can’t tell by her expression what’s going through her mind. I suddenly wonder if Ben kept his end of the deal. Would he have chickened out? I know how hard it was for him to talk about stuff, but I also felt like we left things in a good place last night.

  “Ben texted me last night,” she says, falling in step next to me as I head toward my locker.

  “Oh?” I steal a quick glance at her. “What did he have to say?”

  “He told me you guys broke up,” she says.

  I don’t say anything, but inside, I sigh with relief.

  He did what he said he was going to do.

  “I’m assuming you’re okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I spin the lock on my locker. “What did he tell you?”

  She tucks a lock of dark hair behind her ear. “Just that you were better at being in a long-distance relationship than an in-real-life one.”

  I try not to frown. I would rather he told her the whole truth—that we’d never been in a relationship—but if the conversation resulted in her knowing that we weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

  She cocks her head and gazes at me with those dark eyes. “Are you guys still friends?”

  I unpack my backpack, shoving the books I brought home back into my locker. I did only the bare minimum of homework last night and I know I’m going to have to lug all of those home again today if I have any hope of getting caught up. “Yeah, of course,” I tell her. “There’s no hard feelings or anything. I…I even went and saw him last night.”

  She smiles. “Okay, good. Ben doesn’t have very many friends and I…well, I just wanted to make sure it didn’t end badly between you guys.”

  “He doesn’t?”

  “Not really.” She gives me a small smile. “I mean, he’s barely friends with me. He’s always sort of stuck to himself, you know?”

  “How did you know about me then?” I ask.

  Her grin widens. “Oh, I had a crush on him back in eighth grade. I’ve always been a sucker for curly hair on guys. He was so not interested and I couldn’t figure out why. Look at me.” She brushes a hand down her hips and pouts her lips, then laughs. “I think it was ninth grade, and I was sort of hinting to him about homecoming and he told me about a long-distance girlfriend. And that sort of sealed the deal. I wasn’t going to go after someone who was already taken. I didn’t find out your name until later. Just asked one day how things were going with his girlfriend and he mentioned your name.”

  “Did he talk about me after that? With you?” What she’s telling me is lining up perfectly with what Ben said, but I’m still curious as to what all he told her about me. About ‘us.’

  She shrugs. “Not really. Every once in a while, we’d chat for a little bit. Usually when he stopped in at Donatelli’s or if we had a class together or something. I’d ask if you guys were still going out and he would say yes. That was pretty much it.”

  I digest all of this. It pretty much mirrors what Ben said.

  “So you’re cool?” Emily asks. “He didn’t, like, break your heart or anything?”

  “We are definitely cool. I'm okay.”

  “Good.” She snickers. “Well, now that I know you’re not chained to someone, we can go have some real fun.”

  It’s the perfect opportunity to mention Hayden, but I just smile and nod.

  “This weekend,” she tells me. “I know it’s only Tuesday but this weekend we’re gonna find you a guy. We can start inventory at lunch.”

  “Inventory?”

  She nods. “Yeah. Taking stock. Seeing who you’d do.”

  I stare at her, shocked at her crassness, and she bursts out laughing. “Oh, sorry, is that not how you do things Down Under?”

  I’m not about to tell her that I’ve already found someone to ‘do,’ and that someone is Hayden Mayfield. So I just make a face and shake my head to let her know how ridiculous I think she is.

  She waves her hand and saunters off and I head to my math class. Just as I’m turning toward the math hall, I see Hayden. He’s no
t close, but we make eye contact and I feel the heat rush to my cheeks as I remember all of the intimate things we did the day before. I lift my hand and smile.

  I know he sees me. His eyes are on mine. But he doesn’t return either gesture. It’s as if he’s staring right through me.

  The first bell rings, jarring me. When I look back at where Hayden was standing, he’s gone.

  I make my way slowly to math, confusion swirling inside of me.

  Maybe he really didn’t see me.

  Maybe I just thought he did.

  Because why else would he ignore me?

  Chapter 33

  The lunch bell rings and I don’t go looking for Emily so we can start inventorying the male student body.

  I’m looking for Hayden instead.

  I barely focused on my classes that morning, and probably totally bombed the surprise calc quiz Blumenthal gave us. I was too wrapped up in thinking about Hayden. If I wasn’t worried about why he acted the way he did—or the way I thought he did—that morning, I was lost in memories from the time spent in his bedroom.

  I make my way toward the cafeteria and the sidewalk that leads to the parking lot, being careful not to look over at the bend where I know Emily and the rest of the gang will be sitting. There are kids lined up at the vending machines, and the smell of garlic and meat wafts out of the open cafeteria windows, a surprisingly appetizing aroma. But I’m not terribly hungry. My stomach feels tight and knotted, in the same way it did when my parents were in the worst of their pre-divorce fighting.

  Hayden isn’t hard to find. He’s walking with Beckett and Xander, heading toward one of their cars to get lunch off-campus. I hesitate for just a second and then quicken my pace so I can catch up with them.

  “Hey,” I say when I finally reach them. I’m a little out of breath.

  Hayden doesn’t look at me.

  “Hey,” I say again.

  He turns his head, giving me a quick, impassive glance, and keeps walking.

  My insides twist. What the hell is going on?

  “Are you going to lunch?” I ask.

  Xander laughs. “What the fuck do you think we’re doing, dumbass?”

  The animosity in his voice shocks me.

  “I…I…” I sputter. The words won’t come.

  Hayden stops and stares at me, his blue eyes like ice. “What do you want?”

  His words feel like a slap straight to my face. “What do you mean, what do I want?”

  Beckett smirks. “Hayden already got what he wanted, sweetheart.”

  My stomach burns. “What?”

  Xander slaps Hayden’s shoulder and laughs. His eyes mock me when he says, “Look, it happens. Not every chick who looks good is worth more than one ride. Right, Hayden?”

  My heart is racing and my throat is thick with tears. He told them he slept with me? Was that all he wanted from me?

  “You dick.” My voice is so low, I’m not sure he hears me.

  But Hayden just gives me an indifferent look.

  The hurt crushes me, suffocates me, but I stare him down. “Why?”

  “Why what?” His tone is one of bored indifference.

  “Why are you doing this?” I can’t believe this is the same person I was with yesterday, the same guy who was so sweet and tender these last few days. The guy I thought cared about me. “What are you doing?”

  His smile disappears. “I’m just doing what you said I would do, remember?”

  “What?”

  “Mow through girls, right?” He looks to his friends. “Isn’t that what I do? Fuck ‘em and walk away?”

  Beckett and Xander both laugh. “Yep,” Xander says. He looks me up and down. “Not even sure you were worth the one time. Maybe consider it a favor.”

  As much as I’m hurting and as much as their words are tearing me apart, a fury rises up in me, hot and molten.

  I strike out, intending to slap Hayden. He catches my hand just before it reaches him. His grip is like a vise on my wrist.

  “You’re an asshole,” I tell him.

  “And you’re a lying skank.” His eyes glitter. “Maybe I should warn your new boyfriend.”

  “My what?”

  He drops my hand. “Fuck off, bitch.” He lifts his middle finger slowly and deliberately, then turns and walks away, his buddies laughing and jostling each other.

  I stand there, frozen in place, my chest heaving, tears of hurt and rage burning in my eyes.

  “Oh no,” a sickly sweet voice says. “Looks like there’s trouble in paradise.”

  Chapter 34

  Charity Dern is the last person I want to see.

  The last person I want to talk to.

  She’s alone, which surprises me. At school, at least, she always seems to be surrounded by her little entourage.

  “Get out of my way,” I mutter.

  She plants herself directly in my path.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks, her voice high-pitched and insincere.

  “You,” I tell her. “You are what’s wrong. Get out of my way.”

  She pouts, and tosses a long lock of blonde hair over her shoulder. “You know, for someone new who might want friends, you’re not exactly a nice person.”

  As shitty as I’m feeling, this elicits a laugh from me. “That’s hilarious, coming from you.”

  Her eyes narrow. “Nicer than you.” She gives me a haughty smile. “And at least I’m not a lying bitch.”

  I don’t have time for her bullshit.

  I step to my right but she moves with me, blocking my way forward. Her two-inch wedge sandals come perilously close to stepping on my feet.

  “What do you want?” I spit out.

  “Me?” She gives me an innocent look. “Oh, I don’t want anything, bitch. Except the truth.”

  “Fuck off.”

  Her smile grows. “But I think I already have it.” She pulls her phone from her jeans pocket and holds it up. The screen is dark. “Right here.”

  “What is that?”

  “Oh, don’t play dumb.” She holds the phone to her chest. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s what has Hayden so upset.”

  I rip the phone from her hand, ignoring her protests. But she doesn’t fight me for it. And the lock screen clears the minute I press my thumb to the home button.

  I almost drop the device when I see the image that appears.

  It’s a picture of me.

  And Ben.

  Our arms locked around each other, our lips a fraction apart. It's from yesterday, right before I left his house. When he told me that kissing me made him feel like vomiting.

  I lift my gaze and stare at her. “Where did you get this?”

  “That’s what you’re worried about?” she asks.

  “Did you take this?”

  She shakes her head no, but the small smirk on her face suggests she is lying.

  “You bitch,” I growl. “You took this!”

  She snatches the phone out of my hands. “I think that’s the least of your worries, Sydney. It doesn’t matter who took the photo. What matters is what you were doing in it. Kissing another guy.” She makes a tsking sound. “I can’t imagine Hayden was too happy when he found out you were cheating on him. Two-timing him. Is that what you guys were fighting about just now?”

  “I wasn’t making out with him.”

  She arches a perfectly sculpted brow. “Sure didn’t look that way to me.” She taps the screen and slides her finger across it, then holds the phone back up. “Especially in this picture.”

  The image she shows me is one of Ben and I kissing.

  “I don’t know about you, but the Bible tells me that cheating is a cardinal sin,” she says. “And it looks like Hayden thinks that, too.”

  “I didn’t cheat.”

  She laughs. “Wow, you cheat and you lie. That’s another commandment, you know. But maybe you don’t…” She puts her phone back in her pocket. “I’ll pray for you, Sydney. Pray for your soul, and pray th
at you repent for the things you’ve done.” She leans down closer to me. “And pray that I can make Hayden feel so much better than you ever did.”

  Before I can say a word, she flounces off, and only then do I see Nina and Ainsley waiting nearby, smirking and giggling, their phones trained on us.

  They filmed the whole thing.

  Chapter 35

  The final bell can’t ring fast enough. As soon as it sounds, I bolt out of my seat and head straight to my locker. All I want to do is grab my books and my backpack and find Emily and tell her everything that has happened.

  Because I need a friend.

  I know I haven’t mentioned Hayden to her, and she doesn’t know the extent of Charity’s harassing me, but I’m ready to tell her. I need someone in my corner, someone to stand up for me.

  Someone to believe me.

  It only takes me a minute to grab my things. Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I hurry out toward where I know Emily’s car is parked.

  Sure enough, she, Willow, and Belle are standing near her white Camry.

  “Hey,” I call as I hurry toward them.

  All three look my direction.

  And all three look away.

  My heart sinks.

  I force my feet forward, until I’m standing just a few feet away from them. “What’s going on?”

  Belle hugs her books to her chest and gives me a pointed look. “Why don’t you tell us?”

  I swallow. “What do you mean?”

  Willow’s expression is hard. “We know, Sydney.”

  “No, you don’t,” I say, shaking my head. It’s obvious they’ve seen or heard things but I have no idea what. “It’s not what you think.”

  Emily’s laugh is short and harsh. “You know, I thought Ben’s explanation was a little weird, a little off.” She stares at me. “How could you do that to him?”

  “Do what?”

  “Cheat on him.”

  “And with Hayden Mayfield, of all people,” Willow adds, her disgust obvious.

  A wave of embarrassment and anger washes over me as I realize they must have heard rumors about me being with Hayden. Sleeping with him.

  Did he tell every single person at school?